I.
to feel the weight of the night upon me
your eyebrows
weird shapes

darkness descends
and lifts me up

i am feeling my eyes reaching out towards you
i almost forget everything and everybody previous before this moment
stumbling
stumbling
stumbling
falling
do not fear for i am here

but what does that mean
what does it mean
what does it mean to be here with you
what does it mean not to fear

minimal speech
minimal speech slurring words out of me
your curls they are dancing
curling me back in

suddenly you are wearing jeans
i’ve known you otherwise
i’ve known you in other shapes
formed by other colors

minimal speech
physical pulses
these sounds
that are driving me towards moving
i want to move away
but i don’t know where to
i only know that this this place is not is not here for me to stay
i want to fall over the words let them stumble out of my mouth
i’m not to control too much
david lynch
pine trees
what is it with the night that brings poetry
have i lived too much in daylight?
why should we sleep the night away
why should we doze off when darkness falls
what is it with light lightness humor
wanting to be light
to not be too depressive
philip glass
einstein on the beach
oh the drama
why why do we find so much pleasure in dramatizing everything
there is a an urge towards building a structure that then transforms into stories and cohesive lines of thoughts so that we can live inside the illusion that there is some kind of narrative in which we can stay at home in which we can crawl in which we can cradle ourselves
am i speaking too much

it’s too errr it’s too so fatiguing when when artists are always too self conscious
but then again er there are people people want you to be self conscious they want you to contextualize yourself

honesty
integrity
new romanticism
melodramatic popsongs
the 80s more than 30 years ago but they are so very present still
recyclart

not you not me but ours maybe

everything is about intimacy
pressing lips
stringiness
the details of the situation do not matter
what if everything falls away
what if we just break here
breaking breaking up breaking down
break
stop
doubt
forget
forgetting to stop to doubt
forgetting doubt stop
break
for getting merge rhythm be break be brave beat break be brave
i ffffear to forget when i go into the rhythm when i let myself be taken with rhythm i fear to forget what i was thinking about the situation simply so very much
i want to be seduced to be them taken away out of the situation to forget to to just be taken away in this ecstatic feeling of the rhythm the rhythm de ridddmmm de ridm and then this romantic melody post modern age is over
people just want to escape but whereto whereto
is it possible actually
escape to break away to forget to seduce to be taken away
blurring thoughts
not feeling
it almost stops
it almost stops
drag me along
please drag me along to where you are because you have forgotten everything and i always remember x2 but you with you it seems so easy to forget it almost seems easy
it almost seems easy to live
everything can be so very easy
why do i always forget




II.

waiting in the bed for the light to change
clouds are drifting
the windows are open
i watched the walls
and the reflection of the sun
travelling around the room
one
three
five
you are always smiling
and i am always asking why
why are you happy
why is everything so easy for you
and then sometimes i think i need
more
sheets
give me the sheets back
let me see your bare body
roll around
no why not just simply leave the bed so i can see you whole your skin turn around do everything just like i say you to do we know it’s a game it’s merely a game between me and you
i am never singing
i never draw
i only draw you in
towards me
or i draw back from something but i don’t take pencil to fill the paper i don’t sketch
six
nine
fourteen winters ago i don’t remember
FOIL autechre
this mortal coil
walking through the city with my sunglasses on

less
less
come closer
pull me down
the nonsense of the isolated artist
wiels
making things sellable
in wiels last weekend i saw you
and then i pretended not to have seen you
but everything in my body felt your body wanting us to be close
muted longing
bodily presence
visceral awakening
dream me away
you said i want to be your public whipping boy
my fear
of white walls
sweat dripping open your mouth
open your legs
lie down still i don’t want you to move just be prepared
open everything
leave your hands at your head don’t move
blurring eyes
everything in your eyes screams yes
so delicious to wait
i’m no slave of your desire
every moment i can choose to break it off
i see it in your eyes that you know that every moment can stop and there’s nothing you can do
listening
lie down on your back
there’s nothing you can ask me because i won’t give it i only want to give you things that you have not asked
i think that the giving then becomes more real giving
and the giving is not merely consuming your needs
cause i always know already what you want
you know that i know what you want
and you love it that i don’t give it to you
because it’s too simple
it’s too simple to simply give in to all these expectations these needs desires
i am not your fulfilling machine
i prefer you staying hungry
stay hungry
i want to leave you wanting more
i want to leave you while you still want
i want to leave you wanting
leave want
wanting to leave
but at the same time i long to ask what’s your desire
spell it out speak give it to me give it to me in words
seduce me with speaking seduce me with your speaking seduce me with the fact that you dare to speak that you dare to spell it out out out it’s not yours it’s not mine is not ours ours belongs nowhere there’s nowhere where it belongs it might only belong between the two of us in the state of lingering between
and whenever i ask you such things i notice that you’re not used to it
unexpectedness x2 you didn’t expect it to happen did i expect it to happen

- transcription from two impro sessions between Siska Baeck and Alan Van Rompuy on April 18th 2018. Text fully improvised by Siska Baeck.